Peyton brings talent to Misericordia

First Posted: 4/1/2012

Former Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning is taking his career to a new level – he’s decided to travel east to Misericordia University in Dallas Township, where he’ll play during the Cougars’ first Division III football season.

Manning recently signed with the Denver Broncos, but after former Broncos star quarterback Tim Tebow moved on to the New York Jets, Manning felt he was “stepping into Tebow’s shadow.”

“(Tebow) had such a great season, and I didn’t even play. Starting at Misericordia will give both parties a fresh start,” Manning said at a press conference held at The Lands at Hillside Farms grazing pasture. “Speaking of fresh, can I get a change of shoes? I think I stepped in something.”

Coaches at Misericordia welcome the four-time NFL Most Valuable Player recipient, though they said it won’t be an easy transition.

“Our program is going to be tough,” said one coach who wished to remain anonymous. “In addition to traditional tactics, we’ve been training by swimming around the docks at Harveys Lake, dodging cars on routes 309 and 415, and climbing up and down the steps in Mercy Hall on campus. We’ve got the home turf advantage.”

Manning is well-known for his outlandish pre-snap routine. Misericordia coaches said while it will bring some publicity to the team, Manning will be treated like everyone else.

“If I saw a nut on the field like that, I would have him taken out of the game,” said one coach. “This isn’t dance class.”

Manning said he told his brother Eli, quarterback for the New York Giants, about his move, and the younger Manning has not returned his calls.

“I think he’s just busy,” said Peyton Manning. “I’ll call him later.”

Tebow has also become aware of the news and was recently spotted “Tebowing,” or kneeling in prayer, near the university’s Campus Ministry and helping elderly persons cross the street near the five-corners intersection in Dallas.

Peyton Manning also said the switch was decided upon due to personal reasons.

“I was tired of playing for teams named after horses,” he said.

Several horses at the press conference denied Manning further comment.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Can you believe it? Peyton Manning coming to play football for Misericordia? If you do believe it, you fell for our April Fool’s joke. People sometimes say there’s nothing to read in newspapers anymore so we decided to give our readers a little surprise today. We hope you have a sense of humor and enjoyed ours.

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